..... weak in the presence of death. OK that was a lame line but at least I didn't break into Belinda Carlisle karaoke eh!
Monday was a bit weird and very draining (well apart from the gig which restored some sanity to the world) and it also resulted in me being a bit crap. Toni had unfortunately had the misfortune of going to her stepdad's assisted housing unit to find that he had passed away over the weekend. I won't go into full details but it did trigger a few things for me emotionally. I think I panicked and shut down. Lots of things that were subdued in the back of my head came to light again and then I failed Toni. Instead of being there for her at a time when she really needed me and being someone she could rely on and talk to I shut down and distanced myself.
It was a really shitty thing to do (although it wasn't a completely conscious decision)and it left Toni floating adrift when she needed me to be there for her. Considering all the time and effort she has put in to keep my sanity intact over the last couple of years I feel completely weak for failing her.
We have talk about this and so I will now do my best to give her the support that is needed.
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