Arizona at The Lodge

Went to see Arizona at The Lodge tonight and Sam came along too.
As usual they were superb, and as usual I camped it up on the dance floor (much to Sam's embarrasment and he has video evidence too!
Was great to see Tracy, Kev, Sandra and Pete again.
Big thumbs up to Mark and Sam for coming along too, was good to spend more time although it was scary that you managed to spend so much time talking to my Sam without running away LMFAO!

First night was good

Well last night was our first night at Manor Road and it was good.
No crying myself to sleep and a good amount of sleep too. Perhaps this will all start to work out OK in the end. Have my wonderful picture of Sharon on the wall and I talk to her often and there just seems to be more of a calm around me now.

Moving stuff

Well we moved loads of stuff tonight.
Thanks to Joe I had a van and three bodies to help lug stuff around with so we moved all the new furniture to Manor Road and then took all the boxes and bags from Keats Square.
So that's it, every thing is in and Sam and I can start unpacking and getting things straightened out!

Counselling cancelled

I was supposed to have my first counselling session today but I have cancelled it as I just don't feel up to it right now. Yes I know I need to do it (sorry Toni) and I will reschedule. Think perhaps I'll feel more up to it once I have properly moved.

Tears on my pillow

Happened again last night!
Went to bed, cuddled up with Chunky Monkey and just burst into tears and kept crying until I fell asleep. I miss Sharon so much, it's getting harder and harder to cope with it all.

Chunky monkeys re-united

Yay, while sorting things out today for the final assualt on moving I found chunky monkey in the loft. I was cuddling him in the bedroom and was in tears.
Sharon bought him for me and I was delighted to be re-united with him as you can see....

Two chunky monkeys

I Believe

I sit here all alone
A heart that'z turned to stone
Can't wait to hear your voice again
I feel your every fear
Can't wait to hold you near
Can't wait to feel your touch again

I can't wait a minute longer
To hear you say you're coming home

I believe
Somewhere a light is shining
I believe
Somewhere out there you wait for me

I sit here all alone
But in my heart I know
One day I'll see your face again
My spirit will not break
However long it takez
Can't wait to feel your touch again

I can't wait a minute longer
To hear you say you're coming home

I believe
Somewhere a light is shining
I believe
Somewhere out there you wait for me

In between us there'z a world of pain
I can't believe I'll never
See your face again
I know you're waiting babe
I know you're there
Won't you answer my prayer?

I believe
Somewhere a light is shining
I believe

- I Believe (Tigertailz)

Cried myself to sleep last night

Last night was a VERY bad night. I cried myself to sleep, I was inconsolable. I haven't had a night like that since Sharon first went. Feels like my downward spiral is getting progressively worse.

Totally freaked out

Today has been really emotional for me, full of sadness and tears and then something happened that totally freaked me out!

Was at the new place last night, there was a knock on the door and a woman introduced herself as the owner. We looked at each other with a level of recognition. She asked if we knew each other and I said I recognised her face but didn't know were from. She then glazed for a minute and then said............you had a First Responder a while ago didn't you? My landlady is only the first medical person to attend Sharon when she died!

That knocked me for six I can tell you!

Something I Can Never Have

I still recall the taste of your tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep anymore.

You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I'm down to just one thing.
And I'm starting to scare myself.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have

You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now.
This thing is slowly taking me apart.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.

Come on tell me

You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I'm down to just one thing.
And I'm starting to scare myself.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have

In this place it seems like such a shame.
Though it all looks different now,
I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see.
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.

Come on tell me

You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I'm down to just one thing.
And I'm starting to scare myself.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have

I just want something I can never have

- Something I Can Never Have (Nine Inch Nails)

At the Curlew with Mark & Sam

Went to the Curlew tonight with Mark & Sam as she has just started working there and Mark invited me along for a drink.
Had a great time getting to know Mark (while Sam was working) and look forward to spending more time with both of them.
Final plan of the night was spot on, quarter pounder with cheese and bacon plus burger sauce from the kebab van (that isn't a van).

Emotional packages

*sigh*
Well that was a real tough one to handle. Went to the new house this afternoon and decided to start unpacking a load of stuff and the emotional rollercoaster started all over again.
Everything just felt so wrong as I was unpacking things that Sharon and I had bought for the house we were buying. I am sure it won't take long for me to settle in properly once I have everything out of the flat and am sorted but it's just not our dream home.

Sophie's Bakery For The Broken Hearted

Went into Chelmsford today and bought Sophie's Bakery For The Broken Hearted by Lolly Winston, Emma had recommended it to me as the content seemed to be very similar to things I had said I was feeling about Sharon. Seems like a good book but it will take a while to read as I was in tears before the end of page two! Turns out Emma had cried the whole way through (which she hadn't told me about before I started it!)

Freebird in the arse end of nowhere

Freebird were playing in the arse end of nowhere (well Canewdon but it might as well have been).
Hazel and I set off with plenty of time and the Sat Nav had some interesting moments, especially when it had decided that we had reached our destination when we were still 10 minutes away and we had to make the rest up as we went along!
Gig was good, nice solid set of well known classic rock tracks.
Comedy of the moment had to be when Hazel was introduced as a "long standing fan of the band" rather than Dave's girlfriend. OOOPS!

Purple Haze

Or should that be Purple Hair! LOL
Decided to dye my hair purple today (well Mystic Violet to be precise)
Why I hear you ask?
Because I can!

Drinkies

Dived down to the Town Crier this evening as I got a text from Hazel saying she was going down there with a mate (and that Dave might be coming along too)
Had a bit if a chuckle and it was nice way to relax after all the box shifting.

Got my keys!

Picked up the keys to the new house today, YAY!
Dad came over and we managed to get all the boxes from old to new which was a good start. It was exhausting as it was so hot so I didn't bother with the unpacking.

Just like old times

Popped into James Bryan Opticians after work to see everybody just like I used to do when I went to meet Sharon every week. Was nice to have a bit of catch up with everybody again. The shop is just so weird without Sharon in there.

More damn boxes and sparkly things!

Ron and I went over to Sandra's tonight to collect a load of boxes that she had been storing for Sharon and I. The flat really is running out of space now! On the plus side, opening the boxes and checking stuff wasn't particularly traumatic which was a bit of a relief.

Zoe and I went through Sharon's jewellery last night and sorted out the pieces that we wanted to keep. Was good to do and very painless as there was no conflict at all on what we each wanted.

Getting ready to move

Well the dreaded time is almost here now. Although it will probably do me some good I am actually dreading moving now (and a little bit excited too) as part of my just doesn't want to leave Keats Square. Saying that, the reality is that I have NO choice in the matter and the day would have come anyway, it's just sooner rather than later. It's not great sharing the house with Ron (as I predicted) so in that respect it will be nice to have my own place.

Thankfully most things are packed anyway so I don't really have that much to do other than lugging stuff about. Will have to do a load of shopping to buy various bits of furniture etc but that's no real hardship.

I Won't Forget You

Late at night I close my eyes
And think of how things could have been
And when I look back
I remember some words you had said to me

Its better to have lost at love
Then never to have loved at all

I wont forget you baby
(I wont forget you)
Even though I should
I wont forget you baby
(I wont forget you)
Even though I should, yeah

Sometimes in my head
I can still see pictures of you
And I laugh to myself
When I think of all those crazy things that we used to do

Although miles come between us
Just between you and me

I wont forget you baby
(I wont forget you)
Even though I should
I wont forget you baby
(I wont forget you)
Even though I should, yeah

I should let you fade away
But that just wouldnt be me
Oh, baby

Although miles come between us
Just between you and me

I wont forget you baby
(I wont forget you)
Memories slowly fade
I wont forget you baby
(I wont forget you)
And all the plans we made

I wont forget you baby

- I Won't Forget You (Poison)

Shadows

Who will keep
Keep me in this evening
Even though
They are not here with me

I could be a great star
Still I'm far from happy

Finally
Feel the world around me
Fighting through
Fighting through the whiskey

I could be a great star
Still I'm far from happy

Out of these shadows
Comes the light
Shadows comes the light

You will keep
Keep me in this evening
Even though
You are not here with me

I could be a great star
Still I'm far from happy
I could be a great star
I could be a great star
I could be a great star
I could be a great star

Out of these shadows
Comes the light
Out of these shadows
Comes the light
Shadows comes the light

- Shadows (Rufus Wainwright)

Saturday is TISWAS day

Saturday, Saturday,
Saturday is Tiswas day,
Saturday, Saturday,
Saturday is Tiswas
Never-again to miss cos'
Saturday is Tiswas day.

A Tiswas is a doesn't matter day,
Fill the day with fun and have a laugh-a-day,
Have you self a real mad-hatter day,
Cos' Saturday is Tiswas
Never-again to miss cos'
Saturday is Tiswas day.

Saturday is Tiswas
Never-again to miss cos'
Saturday is Tiswas day.

Saturday, Saturday,
Saturday is Tiswas day,
Saturday, Saturday,
Saturday is Tiswas
Never-again to miss cos'
Saturday is Tiswas day.

Well actually it's the day I can move into my house but I couldn't think of anything good to put LOL.
Woohoo! I have a house and can move in in 3 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oops I did it again

Last night was not a good night. Didn't get to bed until nearly 4 due to dealing with things and now I have just woken up and will be late for work! Ooops, not good!

Counselling & stuff

Well I finally got a call back today and so I have my first counselling session scheduled for 15:00 on Thursday 30th August. It's all a good start.

Met up with Hazel and went out for a drink just to get away for a while which was good to do, took my mind off of all the other stuff.

More counselling news

Thanks to my wonderful friend Toni I now have a long list of counselling services in my local area. Have rung three of them and left messages so hopefully at least one will get back to me and I'll be able to begin some sessions to see where that takes me. Phew, it ain't easy this but slowly and surely I can see that things will all come together for good in the end.

Been accepted for the house

Just found out that I have been accepted for the 3 bed house that I want to rent for Sophie, Sam and I. I am so happy as this will give me a good chance to start rebuilding things!

Crashing out again

Oh good, today is NOT a good day.
Think I am crashing out again. Want to shut myself away, curl up in a ball and cry. I want my Sharon back, I miss and love her so much. It hurts, it hurts real bad!
Failed to get hold of any counselling people yesterday so am trying again today.

Evening out with dad

Met dad and Stephanie in London after work and went for a few drinks and something to eat.
Was great to catch up and share where my brain is (NOT) at right now.
Lots to talk about with where I am struggling and things that I need to deal with and it's always good to have extra ears to listen and give advice.

Sharon's Converse might have a singer!

My friend Kat said she would love to help out singing with Sharon's Converse and really likes the idea of doing stuff to keep Sharon's memory alive and well!
I am getting quite excited about putting this project together now!

What Is Death?

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without affect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you,
for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just around the corner.

All is well.

- Henry Scott Holland

Happy Birthday Dad

Happy Birthday Dad,
Hope you have a great day
Love Keith x

Nag nag - counselling - nag nag

Have just spent two hours talking to my friend Toni about the wave of emotion and tearfulness that I have been feeling, the time has come to get counselling (well she been nagging me about it for ages). I have a number (thanks to the information she provided me weeks ago) and have put it off for long enough now so I will be calling to make an appointment today (for it is now the small hours). Toni has promised to nag me until I do it and will also be checking up on me to make sure it's done. Time to bite the bullet and act and hopefully life will start to become more manageable.

Hell Is Living Without You

I can't find your face in a thousand masqueraders
You're hidden in the colors of a million other lost charaders
In life's big parade
I'm the loneliest spectator
Cuz you're gone without a trace in a sea of faceless imitators

I can't take another night
Burning inside this

Hell is living without your love
Ain't nothin' without your
Touch me
Heaven would be like hell
Is living without you

Try to walk away
When I see the time I've wasted
Starving at a feast
And all this wine I've never tasted
On my lips your memory has been stained
Is it all in vain
Tell me who's to blame

I can't take another night
Burning inside this

Hell is living without your love
Ain't nothin' without your
Touch me
Heaven would be like hell
Is living without you

Nights get longer and colder
I'm down and begging to hold ya
On my own and I feel like hell
Is living without you

Hell is living without your love
Ain't nothin' without your
Touch me
Heaven would be like hell
Is living without you

Nights get longer and colder
I'm down and begging to hold ya
On my own and I feel like hell
Is living without you

- Hell Is Living Without You (Alice Cooper)

Nice to catch up

It was great to spend the weekend in Stratford upon Avon and see mum, Sophie, Sam and nanny again.
Sophie started work on Saturday and had a great time and I bought some good stuff there (as its a rock/goth/emo t-shirt/accessory shop).
Sophie and Sam are both really looking forward to our new house (IF we get it, so fingers crossed there).
Mum's hip op has gone well so now she has a new knee and two hips she is standing much straighter which is lovely to see. Sharon always wanted to know if the final hip would allow mum to staighten up so the answer is, "yes darling it did".
Sophie and Sam have really been helping mum out which is great to know that they haven't been making a nuisance of themselves, and they've also picked up some useful skills which I expect them to apply when we move!

Sharon's Converse on MySpace

Sharon's Converse is now on MySpace:
http://www.myspace.com/sharonsconverse

There will also be a "normal" website as well as the MySpace one:
http://www.sharonsconverse.co.uk

Off to Stratford upon Avon

I am off to Stratford upon Avon this weekend. Will be nice to see mum and nanny again, not seen them since the weekend before Sharon departed so it will be quite emotional I think. Looking forward to seeing Sophie and Sam again. Hopefully the weather will be good so I can get lots of photos.

Have some stuff to sort out in my head while I am there (due to the many happy memories of being there with Sharon) but I know that I will be coming back much more settled and positive.

And now with words on

Sharon's Converse concepts

OK so this is just a start but thought I would post these straight away.

Sharon's Converse

Sharon's Converse is the name of my next musical project.
Not quite sure what it's gonna consist of yet, could just be me and my acoustic, me and other singers or even a full band. Spoken word and poetry might also feature.
Why that name?
I sorted out all the boxes in the flat the other day and there are two pairs of Sharon's Converse sitting on top of the boxes (a red pair and a black pair) and I suddenly thought what a great name for a musical project.
Will post some concept photos tonight!

Walking With My Angel

This song really sums up how I used to feel walking around hand in hand with Sharon............


Ain't no guy in town
Who would ever try to put me down
When I'm walkin' walkin' with my angel, whoa-uh-oh

'cause every guy I see
Is a-wishin' that-a he were me
When I'm walkin' walkin' with my angel (angel)

a-when we're strollin' hand in hand
I'm as happy as can be
Aww, she's the prettiest girl in town
And everyone can see she belongs to me

Well I feel so proud
It's as good as walkin' on a cloud
When I'm walkin' walkin' with my angel

Aww, when we're strollin' hand in hand
I'm as happy as can be
'cause she's the prettiest girl in town
And everyone can see she belongs to me

Well I feel so proud
It's as good as walkin' on a cloud
When I'm walkin' walkin' with my angel

Aww, when I'm walkin' walkin' with my angel
Yeah, when I'm walkin' walkin' with my angel

- Walking With My Angel (Hanoi Rocks)

Things that I miss

There are things that I am really missing right now...........
Snuggles at night and first thing in the morning
Trying to delay getting up so that we can snuggle more
Early morning texts
Lunchtime phone calls
Kisses
Hugs
Being called chunky monkey
Meeting after work on a Friday and looking forward to the weekend
Bacon sandwiches on Saturday and Sunday morning
Snuggles
Kisses
Hugs
Walking (with my angel)
SHARON!

Skidding off the track

OK, so maybe I wasn't handling things quite as I well as I thought today. Having had a bad morning I then completly skidded off the track on the way home. Spent 20 minutes staring at an ambulance at the bottom of the road with tears streaming down my face praying that whatever was going on would result in something good all the while thinking that it wouldn't be long before Sharon was home. Then it hit me again, she's not coming home, ever again.

After that I went to Barry & Gloria's to see where they had put the memorial and Sharon's ashes. I had previously decided that I hadn't needed to do anything like that but I just had to be with Sharon, needed to be near her. Needless to say it was fairly traumatic but I had to do it. I cried like I had never cried before. I miss her so much and just want her back.

Everybody Hurts

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone

- Everybody Hurts (R.E.M.)

Not a good day

Today is NOT a good day.
Waves of emotion and tearfulness are bombarding me.
Despite thinking I am OK and moving on with things I suddenly feel like I have stepped back five weeks.
Can't get Sharon out of my head. I am missing her so much.....................

Just Like Heaven

"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you, I promise that
I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you"

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven

- Just Like Heaven (The Cure)

I Knew I'd Miss You

When you care about someone
as much as I do about you,
being apart is a hard thing to get used to.
I thought I'd handle it just fine...
and that I'd be happy just to keep you
on my mind.
But it isn't always that easy...
Sometimes the one thing that
would please me the most...
is simply seeing you.
I knew that I'd miss you.
I just didn't know
I'd miss you as much as I do.

Malcolm and Tracy, you are the best!

Just want to say thank you to Malcolm and Tracy for being two amazing friends.
Thanks for dinner last night and thanks for the key.
You have been so wonderful and I really don't know what to say other than thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Congratulations and well done to Sophie

Sophie, well done for getting the job.
I am so pleased and proud of you!
Love Dad x

Have A Nice Day

Why, you wanna tell me how to live my life?
Who, are you to tell me if it's black or white?
Mama, can you hear me? try to understand.
Is innocence the difference between a boy and a man.
My daddy lived a lie, it's just the price that he paid.
Sacrificed his life, just slaving away.

Oh,if there is one thing I hang onto,
That gets me through the night.
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to,
I'm gonna live my life.
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge and
show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my FACE,
I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day-ay-ay

Take a look around you, nothing´s what it seems
We're living in a broken home of hopes and dreams,
Let me be the first to shake a helping hand.
Anybody, brave enough to take a stand,
I've knocked on every door, on every dead-end street,
Looking for forgiveness and what's left to believe

Oh, if there is one thing I hang onto,
That gets me through the night.
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to,
I'm gonna live my life.
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge, and show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Day
Have A Nice Day-ay-ay.

Oh oh , if there is one thing I hang onto,
That gets me through the night.
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to,
I'm gonna live my life.
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge,and show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day-ay-ay
(in the background)
(Have A Nice Day)


When The world keeps trying to drag me down,
Gotta raise my hands, gonna stand my ground.
I say, hey, Have A Nice Day-ay-ay.
Have A Nice Day!

- Have A Nice Day (Bon Jovi)

Good luck Sophie

Good luck Sophie with your job interview today.
Hope it goes well.
Love Dad x

Right Here, Right Now

Who needs gold stars in heaven man?
I want mine right away
I’m sick of broken promises
Some never do what they say
Living in tomorrow or yesterday
You can’t be here today
If you gotta ask you’ll never know
You snooze you lose anyway

Right here, right now,
Tomorrow don’t matter to me
Right here, right now
Whatever’s gonna be will be
Right here, right now
Gotta get what’s mine today
I want it here right now
’Cos later might be too late

Some selfproclaimed selfish hypocrites
Laid down their laws and rules
To make you think there’s some great reward
For all your suffering some day soon
You want it all or none at all,
Fly high or take a fall
Grab your chance with both hands
Make the dream come true

Right here, right now
Gotta get what’s mine today
Right here, right now
And don’t stand in my way
Right here, right now
Ain’t got no time to wait
I want it here right now
’Cos later might be too late

It’s an exercise in futility
Like the Chinese fire drill or musical chairs
We won’t waste time on conformity
And that mud pie in the sky surely can wait

Right here, right now...

- Right Here, Right Now (Michael Monroe)

Leicester Square watching people

Spent the afternoon and evening in London with Emma just mooching around. It's so much fun people watching and we had a fantastic time in Leicester Square just chilling out in the warmth and observing people.

Hunting for a house

Went to look at a house today. It was a good sized three bedroom semi that definately has the potential to play home to Sophie, Sam and I. Owners are OK with us doing the decorating if we want so there is a chance that we could move in in around three weeks. Have put down a holding deposit. Fingers crossed on this one as its just what I need to help the rebuilding.

Pics from the Pink Toohbrush

As promised here are the pics from the Pink toothbrush.
It was great to finally meet Hazel. Music was a tad loud and I wasn't expecting it to be metal all night but we all enjoyed it. Next plan is to do the Rock rather than Metal night!

Emma & Hazel strike a pose!


Nu-Metal night? We are not amused!


OK, I am a precious Princess really!

Pink Toothbrush

Off to the Pink Toothbrush tonight with Emma and Hazel for a night of alternative rawk! Pictures will be posted at some point.

Friday funny

"Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven , God went missing for six days. Eventually, Gabriel the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Gabriel, look what I've made."
Archangel Gabriel looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet", replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance".
"Balance?" inquired Gabriel, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example,
Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people". God continued, pointing to different countries. "And over there, I call this place America . North America will be rich and powerful and cold, while South America will be poor, and hot and friendly. And the little spot in the middle is Central America which is a hot spot. Can you see the balance?"
"Yes" said the Archangel , impressed by Gods work, then he pointed to a small country in Northern Europe , "What's that one?"
"Ah" said God. "That's Scotland , the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful snow capped mountains, untouched rivers, streams and lochs of exquisite, timeless beauty. The people make a drink called Uisge Beatha or Whisky which means "The Water of Life". The people are good looking, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hardworking and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as warriors, engineers, inventors and pioneers.
Gabriel gasped in wonder and admiration but then said: "I thought you said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the shower of b*stards I'm putting next to them"

Cows With Guns

Life's A Bitch And Then You Live

Well today I have a new motto based on this song by Michael Monroe: LIFE'S A BITCH AND THEN YOU LIVE

Not one person ever lived without hurtin’
Somewhat, somewhere, some
Ain’t no pain much worse than mental strain
I’ll wake up in a good mood somehow,
Someday, somewhere once again
I try and control my crankiness ’til then

Dumb things are easy
Some things flip you out
Who can tell what life is all about

Life’s a bitch and then you live
What you get is what you give
You forsake and you deceive,
You put out and you receive
Life’s a bitch and then you live

Why’d we have to work so hard
For every single little thing
Someone always thinks they’re gonna win
When you’ve lost most of your best friends
And your loneliness won’t leave you alone
You find out that things don’t mean a thing

Can you face the music
When you don’t sing the song
Can you lose control while in control

Life’s a bitch and then you live
You don’t forget but you forgive
You forsake and you deceive,
You put out and you receive
Life’s a bitch and then you live...

- Life's A Bitch And Then You Live (Michael Monroe)

Happy freaking Birthday

Once a year we celebrate with stupid hats and plastic plates,
the fact that you were able to make another trip around the sun.
And the whole plan gathers round' gifts and laughter do will bound,
we let out a joyful sound and sing that stupid song.

Happy Birthday, now your one year older.
Happy Birthday, your life still isn't over.
Happy Birthday, you did not accomplish much.
But you didn't die this year i guess that's good enough.

So lets drink to your fading health, and hope you don't remind yourself
your chance of finding fame and wealth decrease with every year.
Dose it feel like your doing laps, and eating food and taking naps,
and hoping that some day, perhaps, your life will hold some cheer.

Happy Birthday, what have you done that matters?
Happy Birthday, your starting to get fatter.
Happy Birthday, it's downhill from now on.
Try not to remind yourself your best years are all gone.

If cryogenics were all free then you could live like Walt Disney and live
for all eternity inside a block of ice.
But instead your time is set this is the only life you get,
and though it hasn't ended yet some times you wish it MIGHT!

Happy Birthday, you wish you had more money.
Happy Birthday, your life's so sad it's funny.
Happy Birthday, how much more can you take?
But your friends are hungry so just cut the stupid cake.

Tiscali, grrrrrrrrrr

Tiscali, what a bunch of cowboys!
Raised a fault on Monday as no broadband connectivity at all. Was told problem was with BT but I'd get a call back that afternoon but didn't. Called on Tuesday and was told that it could take 24 hours. Called yesterday only to be told that it was 72 hours from Monday so call tomorrow (today).
Called today and have now been told that it might not be fixed until the 17th August despite being told it would be 72 hours (although it could be sooner). That's another 9 fricking days. I am so not impressed. When I do move I will NOT be using Tiscali that's for sure.

Happy 50th Birthday Boss!

Happy 50th Birthday to my boss Steve Whalley.
Hope you have a great day!

Keith

Little boxes on the hillside

Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes made of ticky-tacky,
Little boxes, little boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.

- Little Boxes (Malvina Reynolds)

In view of my news posted in the "This sucks....." entry I decided to bite the bullet tonight and go through all the boxes that were sitting packed up in the living room. Wasn't a great deal of fun but it became a necessity so that I can move quickly if I feel the need to make a hasty exit. So that's pretty much everything split between the kids and I. I didn't go mad, just household essentials for when I move, pots, pans, bedding and towels (which were things Sharon and I had bought for the new house that never was) and a few treasured keepsakes. Couple more bits to sort out and I'll be ready to move on and continue rebuilding.

This sucks.............

Got a phone call today saying that I am going to be sharing the flat with Sharon's ex from Monday! NICE! It was mentioned a while back and I told him that it would NEVER work out sensibly. Thought it had gone away (especially as I had been told that I have until the end of September to find somewhere else to live anyway). Looks like I am going to have make contingency plans in the short term while I speed up trying to get my own place as both of us under the same roof is just a major disaster waiting to happen!

Oh well, so much for there being no pressure on me......whether intentional or not, this IS pressure.

This sucks..............
.

SWF - centre of the universe!

Good luck Emma

Good luck with your new job today Emma.
You will be absolutely fine and will impress everyone.
Big hugs
Keith
xxxxxxxxxxxx

Sleeping beauty

DOH!!!!!!!!!
The drugs do work, too bloody well!
After taking my first tablet last night I managed to drop off fairly quickly (hurrah). Only trouble is that I didn't wake up until 11:00 having slept right through two alarms (whoops)!

"Dear Doctor Quack,
The problem I had was getting to sleep NOT staying asleep!
Regards
Sleeping beauty"

Having now gone through this I will now not be taking any more tablets!

Moving

Helped Emma move the last of her things to her new place in Luton this evening. New start for her and a chance to rebuild

Drugs.......just say yo

Well after doing the last month with an average of 2 to 3 hours sleep every night I decided to bite the bullet and go to the doctors to see if I could get something to help me nod off. I hate going to the doctors, and I hate taking tablets but tiredness was starting to really kick in and in a bad way. Got prescribed some stuff which hopefully will help.

What a lovely day

Spent the whole of the day just chilling at Sara's. Was great fun just relaxing, talking, watching DVDs and enjoying each other's company.

BBQ time in Basingstoke

Had a fantastic day at Sara Would's housewarming BBQ. Havent' seen Sara in over 10 years so it was lovely to get a chance to catch up and meet some of her friends. Certainy won't be losing contact again.

It was great to meet some new faces, especially Donna and Cormack.

Dinner with Emma

Took Emma out to dinner in London tonight. Had an absolutely cracking time.

It was a lovely warm night, and so after dinner we spent hours just walking through the London streets talking about anything and nothing..