Better day, Pokemon and meditation music

Today was much better than yesterday. Although my dysphoria was lurking in the background I managed to keep it at bay so I could function normally.

Work was mental as the last of our crises continued but then slowly got sorted and put to bed. It's hard to believe it's only Tuesday, it feels like Friday already! Hopefully the rest of the week is going to be a more settled and a lot calmer.

Getting home was a nightmare with the trains all badly delayed and this heat just made it worse. On the plus side my discovery of new Pokemon went well which took the edge off of things quite nicely.

The evening was spent TV free for a change with us just listening to some cool meditation music. Most tranquil!

Get stuffed dysphoria

Well today hit me like a ton of bricks as I took a left hook from my dysphoria.

There I was sitting in the office doing what I do and dealing with crisis after crisis when suddenly dysphoria hits and I feel like I want to cry. I didn't feel like me, my brain, my heart and my body were all at odds with one another. I know what I want to be like but it certainly isn't this mess.

It totally derailed me as I haven't had an episode like this for quite a while. I was quietly comfortable just being me and suddenly me was a stranger and me was a mess.

Thankfully a wonderful text from Toni (after I'd given her the lowdown on things) snapped me back to a better position. I dread to think what life would be like without her calming influence helping to guide to the safe places.

Feeling strengthened by Toni's amazing support I got through the rest of the day and then it was home and time to do some things to allow me to continue to stay on top.

Gender dysphoria sucks, it will get you when you least expect it. Get stuffed gender dysphoria!