Arizona at The Lodge

Well I made my mind up in the end and Sam and I went to The Lodge to see Arizona play again. It was great to see Tracy and Kev and the band once again. As usual it was a great night. Here are some pics:



Stop me if you think you've heard this one before!




Close your eyes and imagine!


I don't like cricket-ah, oh no, I love it-ah


The support act


Guest singer!


Keith and Tracy bopping about!

Christmas Is Coming

Christmas is coming
The geese are getting fat
Someone please tell me
Why I feel so flat

It doesn't feel right
It feels so wrong
I can't face Christmas
Now that you have gone

Christmas with you last year
The best I've ever said
And is it draws much nearer
I just feel so sad

I've made no preparation
For this years Christmas day
I wish that I could cancel
Now you've gone away

- Christmas Is Coming (K.T.Glitz)

Dilemma.....what to do?

Oh gosh, what am I to do?
I have two potential things I can do tonight and I have no idea which.
Arizona are playing at The Lodge. Only Tracy is going but it would be nice to catch up with her and Kev again.
In the other hand, Hazel wants to hit Pink Toothbrush to do some photos for them, and we haven't seen each other for a while (plus I think Kat might be going)
Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh! I don't know what to do!

Hah bumhug!

Oh dear, it's not even December and already the monstrous "tradition" of covering houses in all manner of garish lights and statuettes has begun. Not only is this heinous act an eye sore I am sure it is also a massive drain on the national grid!



K.T.Scrooge is in the house and will be having Xmas rants from time to time (as I am not looking forward to Xmas this year)

Hah Bumhug!

Sophie back at home

Sophie is back at home now after being discharged this morning. She has to take it easy for a few days, no heavy lifting or bending. It is such a relief to know that this part is now over.

BIG thank you to Barry for popping over to the hospital and giving mum and Sophie a lift back so they didn't have to get the bus.

They think it's all over.............

............it is now, FINALLY!
Sophie had her operation today and all was successful. They removed the offending stone that had been causing the pain and also widened the tube so that if she gets any further stones before she has her gall bladder removed they will pass through unhindered. If all goes well she will be allowed to come home tomorrow which will be a great relief for everybody.

It has certainly been a very stressful few weeks and we'll all be glad to have the chance to finally start living together. Special thanks to mum and Toni for being around when we needed you and helping out for little thanks. I couldn't have got through it without the pair of you.

Dead By Christmas

Just discovered this wonderful video of Soho Dolls doing one of my favourite Hanoi Rocks tracks, Dead By Xmas

Somewhere I Belong

(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong

- Somewhere I Belong (Linkin Park)

Weirdness (not a day goes by)

I am feeling kind of weird. Life is so strange without Sharon. Not a day goes by when I am not thinking of her. They are always happy thoughts and often with tears.

I feel like I have gone full circle and backwards............. Two years ago I was living in Nottingham as a single parent bringing up Sophie and Sam, doing the best I could but feeling completely empty and lonely. Here I am now, two years on, and nothing has changed other than the location. I am a single parent bringing up Sophie and Sam, doing the best I can but feeling completely empty and lonely. OK so this reason for my emptiness and loneliness has changed but it feels so weird. We had everything going for us, a future of eternal happiness and now it has all gone.

I am sure there are people that think I am far too happy most of the time and have moved on. Far from it, but I do have to try and live my life just to try and stay sane rather than live a life filled with sadness and isolation. I have the sadness but I don't feel the need to be isolated. I have good times, I do my best to be happy, but underneath it all I wonder what could have been, I always wonder what Sharon would think about the things I am doing and the choices that I am making.

Not a day goes by when I don't talk her.
Not a day goes by when I don't think of her.

Tears at home time

It was sad to see Toni break down into tears when she and Aaron had to go home. Things must be really bad for her back at home to get so upset at the thought of having to return there. I really hope that things can get sorted soon so that things are easier for her, Jade, Aaron and Gemima. Bug hugs to all of you.

Chieftains 0 Bees 1

It was a good night for the hockey. Despite losing, the Chieftains played really well and it was a completely different ethic from the farce of last Sunday. I was proud to be a fan after that performance. Aaron asked if the Chieftains were always that bad and Toni just told him that he should have been there last week LOL!

Thanks to everyone that came up to me at the game asking how Sophie was, you are all amazing!

Back to the hospital again

Mum, Toni and I spend half the day in Broomfield hospital keeping Sophie company once again. I really had hoped we could have been doing this at home rather than back there but given the almighty cock up on Friday there was nothing I could do about that.

Sophie is so fed up and just wants something to happen now so that she can get out of there permanently, poor kid.

Here we go again..................

After a nice relaxing afternoon Toni, mum and I settled down to a nice dinner. Sophie had had a bath and opted out of eating and had gone to bed to watch DVDs. Suddenly we heard Sophie being sick and crying out. Her pains had returned and so we rushed her off to the hospital.

First thing the ward sister said when we got there was, "When was the last time she had her Tremadol?" to which I replied, "What Tremadol?" She just looked at me in horror and said, "I am SO sorry!"

Turns out that when Sophie was sent home on Friday she was supposed to have been given a supply of Tremadol to take regularly. I guess by the time Sophie was in pain at home all the previous painkillers had worked their way out of her system. I can't believe that the hospital could have dropped the ball in this way, it really is crap. Although we have to wait until Monday for the scan results I have no doubt at all that Sophie's stones ARE still there given the amount of pain she was in.

Sam and Aaron off for the night!

Toni and I took Sam and Aaron over to Sam's friend Jack's house in Wickford as a gang of them were going to Basildon to see Beowulf and then they were doing pizza and consoles and sleeping over!

Sophie home but not clear

Sophie came home tonight but it turns out she hasn't actually been discharged!
Sophie said that they are keeping her bed open for her so it sounds like she is just out on good behaviour again. Scan results are still not in so we have to wait on them to find out the status of the stones. Still it was good to have her home again at it was nice to be able to go straight home from work as mum was at the hospital and so brought her home.

Be Someone

Be someone who listens, and you will be heard.
Be someone who cares, and you will be loved.
Be someone who gives, and you will be blessed.
Be someone who comforts, and you will know peace.

Be someone who genuinely seeks to understand, and you will be wise.
Be someone kind, someone considerate, and you will be admired.
Be someone who values truth, and you will be respected.
Be someone who takes action, and you will move life forward.

Be someone who lifts others higher, and your life will be rich.
Be someone filled with gratitude,
and there will be no end to the things for which you'll be thankful.

Be someone who lives with joy, with purpose, as your own light brightly shines.
Be, in every moment, the special someone you are truly meant to be.

- Be Someone (Ralph Marston)

Sophie coming home and a full house

Well it looks like Sophie is coming home today at some point as her MRI scan has shown that the stone has now gone. She has to go back in two weeks time for a check up.

It's going to be a full house this weekend too as Sophie will be back, mum is still staying and Toni and Aaron are descending on us once again LOL. Time to clear out of couple of cupboards to make room for them to sleep in!

Adler's Appetite tour cancelled, primadonna junkie rock stars!

As you all know I was supposed to be going on tour for four days in December supporting Steven Adler (ex-Guns N Roses) with his new band Adler's Appetite. His "supergroup" was supposed to be:
Steven Adler - Drums and percussion
Joe Leste - Lead Vocals (Bang Tango)
Chip Z'Nuff - Bass Guitar (Enuff Z'Nuff)
Michael Thomas - Lead Guitar (Beautiful Creatures)
Kristy Majors - Guitar (Pretty Boy Floyd)

We were all set, rehearsals were going well.
We had the tour itinerary worked out and the flight details to and from the UK for Adler's Appetite (as we were providing the tour bus and driving us and Adler's Appetite from gig to gig)

We found out today that Steven Adler has decided to cancel the European tour. After many calls to the USA it now seems that Adler is refusing to get on a plane to come over here.

The CEO of his tour agency reckons he is back on drugs again.

Really angry and totally gutted as I was really looking forward to this.

Primadonna junkie rock stars!

No news is no news

No updates on Sophie!
Still waiting for scan results and as such we have no idea what is happening and can't really plan anything yet.

Goth holiday

This is such a cool advert:

The results aren't in!

Sophie's MRI scan results are not back yet. She has to have another blood test tomorrow morning before she eats anything. Chances of her getting the all clear and coming home are looking less and less likely. My only hope is that if she has to stay in that they'll give her day release on Saturday and Sunday again. Hopefully I can find out some more when I go in tonight.

The waiting game.......

Sophie had another MRI scan today. She has been told that she will get the results tomorrow and basically there are two possible outcomes:
a) the stone has gone and she can come home
b) the stone is still there and she'll have to have the procedure done under a general

And so we play the waiting game again.

Right Here Waiting

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

- Right Here Waiting (Richard Marx)

The waiting starts again..............

Will be interesting to see what transpires today with regards to Sophie's treatment at the hospital.
She has already been in there for two weeks and as it looks unlikely that she'll have her operation rescheduled for tomorrow it will be three weeks if it is done next Tuesday.

I know yesterday wasn't anybody's fault but it is all so frustrating that we still seem to be treading water and Sophie is still stuck in hospital and suffering.

Operation terminated (not cancelled)

Not a great way for things to go!

Sophie was wheeled of to theatre today at 09:30. Two hours later she was returned and the operation had been terminated!! They sedated her but when they went to insert the endoscope she resisted. Apparently this is a perfectly natural reaction to an endoscope when you are under sedation. Sophie is a petite 17 year old but it took 3 adults to try and restrain her to continue the operation but they had to stop as continuation would have resulted in Sophie getting a broken neck! Way to go Sophie, always was a fighter LOL!

So where are we now? Sophie has to have yet another MRI scan to once again check on the position of the stone. If the stone is still present (and there is no reason to think otherwise) then she will have to have a general anaesthetic so that they can do the operation again. At this moment in time we have no idea when the MRI scan is likely to be. The same surgeon will be performing the operation so I assume we are once again restricted to Tuesdays and Thursdays but the further complication is that now an anaesthesist will also be required who will only be available if there isn't another more urgent operation that they have to be present for. At the moment (and based on our luck so far) I would think that this Thursday is extremely unlikely for the next attempt so we will be looking at Tuesday 27th at the earliest (THREE WEEKS since she was first admitted).

Not sure how much more of this I can take, it is so stressful and draining. Oh well, must try and keep a positive outlook on things.

Knackered and stuff.............

OK, it's all catching up with me now!
I am absolutely shattered from all this backwards and forwards to and from the hospital. It is so draining trying to balance work and home as well as worrying about Sophie and then going into Broomfield every night.
I was really tired tonight and we left the hospital early and then I had to shut myself away when we got home as I was really ratty and grumpy.

I am looking at cancelling going to see Bil Bailey with Sara in Bournemouth at the weekend as I don't want to be away as Sophie will still be recovering.

Am really worried about Toni too. She has so much going on with her divorce and has just found out that Nick has been diagnosed as having MS (and I fear this may be used to play a sympathy card). You can read her ramblings Hiding In The Crowd. How she manages to deal with all that shit and still be there to support me as well I never know but I am VERY grateful that she does. Big hugs to her, Jade, Aaron and Gemima. Conversely, you know where I am if you need to bend an ear and dump all the crappy stuff from your brain!

Hockey shmockey, why do I bother!

Oh my god, it's not been a good weekend for my hockey teams! Edinburgh Capitals got beaten 3 - 1 away to Sheffield Steelers and then 4 - 1 at home to Cardiff Devils. Wish I could say that Chelmsford Chieftains did me proud but that was just not the case!

Chieftains lost 5 - 2 to Swindon Wild Cats in a pretty dire performance. At the end of the first period they were 3 - 0 down. I said to Sam that if things didn't improve and we went 4 - 0 down then I would do the GOALIE, SIEVE chant on our team rather than the opposition. Lo and behold, we did, and so we did the chant. I've never booed or done anything like that before but it was so frustrating to watch and I was paying £75 to sponsor and be presented with a shirt that night it felt justified. Straight after that the Chieftains called a time out and then suddenly came out looking like they wanted to play hockey. End of the second period the score was 2 - 4 so Chieftains were in with a chance.

Despite a fight to try and score it just didn't happen and we lost 2 - 5 (the lost goal being an empty netter)

Oh well, say luvvie! Roll on next week!

Was also nice to see Debbie (Sharon's hairdresser from Jagged Edge) at the game and to have a little chat.

You gotta love the NHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Went to pick up Sophie today only to be told that her day release was only for Saturday and NOT Sunday as well! I said that Amanda had given the impression that it was Saturday and Sunday but Lolly said that she was there on Friday and it was just Saturday. As it was Sister Lolly (who is definately a good egg in the NHS) I decided not to make a fuss. She said that she would page a doctor and try and get permission for Sophie to be released for the day. It took ages to get sorted but Sophie did finally get permission to go home again which was good.

Sophie came home, went on her laptop for a short while, had some casserole that mum had made and then crashed out on the sofa once again and slept. At least she got to catch up on some sleep!

Sam, Toni and I took her back before we went to the ice hockey.

Pink Toothbrush and What Not To Wear!

Hazel, Toni and I went to the Pink Toothbrush tonight as Hazel has just been some incredible crap with her ex-boyfriend (plus some additional unwanted attention from a so-called friend) so I promised we'd go to just get out and relax.

Unfortunately we picked Saturday night (which is Indie Night) rather than our usual Friday night (which is Alternative Night). OMG the music was absolutely dire, complete and utter garbage. We should have seen the signs from the off. Friday night is free before 21:30 but we had to pay £4 each to get in at 21:10 on Saturday. Hazel smokes and on a Friday night she would be given a ticket to leave and smoke so she could get back in again. On Saturday they charged her £1 for a wristband!

So, as we had paid to get in we decided to stick it out and try and make the best of it. Think we got to dance to TWO songs all night, such was the excellent DJ set lists!

I am NOT about to drop off, honest guv! (although I am kinda cute LOL)


Hazel thinking, "I wish it was Friday night!"


Toni thinks, "Wow, this music is SO cool, think I'll take a nap!"


Being the total bitch that I am I decided to indulge in a game of What Not To Wear, so we enjoyed checking the clothes that people were wearing and logging then on a scale of 1 to 10 of whether or not they should be reported to the fashion police. Here are the contenders for top prize in Pink Toothbrush What Not To Wear........

Lurex has NEVER been sexy, NOT EVER. Footless tights are an 80s abomination! Lurex dress and footless tights? Get a life sister!


Hehe, fashion no-no, this is what would be considered a schoolboy/girl error! The top is actually nice but OH DEAR, black bra? Bad enough seeing it at the back, didn't look any better at the front either!


I hate shorts! Shorts with tights are bad (and I LOVE tights). Footless tights are an 80s abomination! Shorts with footless tights? Nuff said!


Top prize went to REFRESHERS GIRL! The face has been changed to protect the GUILTY! The camera doesn't really show it but this fantastic refreshers style dress really stood out under the UV. The clashing rainbow belt was a great touch!

Day release and the latest farce!!!!!!

Well Sophie came home for the day today. Popped into George to get a few bits and after lunch Sophie crashed out on the sofa for the rest of the day LOL.
When we returned to the hospital we were just walking into her private side room (the door was open so we just wandered in) when I suddenly realised there was a pair of male legs on the bed. We quickly reversed and went to see the nurses. Turns out they decided to transfer Sophie out of her room onto the main ward. I was raging and Sophie was really upset. As there was nothing we could do I just had to try and settle Sophie down, which thankfully took less time than I feared.

As I was leaving the nurse said that she could have called me but didn't want to bother me!!!!!!! Unbelievable! If we'd have been there we could have had a discussion about it and
although we would probably still have been moved at least it wouldn't have been a shock. If they had called me I would have probably reluctantly said OK but again, it wouldn't have been a shock. This whole experience has been bad enough worrying about Sophie without all the NHS crap on top just adding to the strain!

Day release confirmed!

Yay!
Nurses have confirmed that Sophie can have day release on Saturday and Sunday. Needless to say she is very happy about this.

Toni came down for the weekend (can't blame her as things are pretty crap at her end and as both of her younger kids will be away it gives her the chance to escape for five minutes). She gets on well with Sophie and Sam so they'll be pleased to see her too. She very kindly came straight to the hospital so that mum, Sam and I didn't have to get buses home. She has been such a brick to me throughout all my trauma since June and I am really glad to have her as a friend.

A glimmer of good news

Apparently Sophie has been told that she might be able to come home during the day on Saturday and Sunday as long as she goes back to hospital for the night and if she is in pain.

Will be off to the hospital soon and will check with the nurses but certainly some good news if this turns out to be true as I know Sophie is going nuts being stuck in there!

NHS = TLA = WTF

NHS = National Health Service (allegedly)
NHS = No Happy Sick(people)
NHS = No Helpful Surgeons

Can you tell that I am not happy? LOL
Sophie was supposed to have her operation yesterday and we got told in the afternoon that it was cancelled due to "equipment failure". Things then got better (NOT) when we were informed that they only do this operation on a Tuesday and Thursday so she now has to wait another FIVE days before they can do it so she'll just be kept in hospital and "comfortable" on drugs until then. I was angry and she was raging yesterday!

Mum come to help out

Mum travelled down today to help out and be around to make things easier for all of us. Not seen her for ages so it will be great to have her stay for a while and Sophie will have some company during the day.

A video tribute

Here is a Video/Photo tribute that I made for my darling Sharon Gloria Ashmore set to "Don't You Ever Leave Me" by Hanoi Rocks. Enjoy...........

Only Love

It's only love
That keeps you going when you're far away
It's only love
And it keeps on growing
Deeper every day

It's only love that makes the world go 'round
And when you're feeling down
It picks you up, and gives you all the strength you're needing
Still you're feeling
Still believe in love

Its making you feel it
Only love, that's making you need it
Only love that's making you feel that you believe it
And a lifetime ain't enough

It's only love
That makes a bridge that closes up the miles
It's only love
That'll leave you feeling helpless as a child

It's only love that makes the world go 'round
And makes you glad you found a reason enough
To keep you going, keep believing
Keep you in the light you feel in love

It's making you feel it
Only love, that's making you need it
Only love that's making you feel that you believe it
And a lifetime ain't enough

- Only Love (Ginger)

It's my turn to operate........

.....well that's what the old TV advert for the board game OPERATION used to say! LOL

Good news today. The doctors have looked at the scan results and are satisfied that the stone is still there and needs removing. As such Sophie will be having it removed on Thursday. It's such a relief to actually see something happening as it was really feeling like we were just treading water.

Missing my tower of strength

I am really missing my tower of strength right now. I was so lucky having Sharon around in times of crisis, she would always give a hug at the right moment and know what to say.

I know I have lots of very good friends who have been amazingly supportive but there are times when I just need that little bit of Shazza magic!

In These Arms

You want commitment
Take a look into these eyes
They burn with a fire, just for you now
Until the end of time
I would do anything
I'd beg, I'd steal, I'd die
To have you in these arms tonight
Baby I want you like the roses
Want the rain
You know I need you
Like a poet needs the pain
I would give anything
My blood my love my life

If you were in these arms tonight
I'd hold you
I'd need you
I'd get down on my knees for you
And make everything alright
If you were in these arms
I'd love you
I'd please you
I'd tell you that I'd never leave you
And love you till the end of time
If you were in these arms tonight

We stared at the sun
And we made a promise
A promise this world would never blind us
These are my words
Our words were our songs
Our songs are our prayers
These prayers keep me strong
And I still I believe
If you were in these arms tonight

If you were in these arms tonight
I'd hold you
I'd need you
I'd get down on my knees for you
And make everything alright
If you were in these arms
I'd love you
I'd please you
I'd tell you that I'd never leave you
And love you till the end of time
If you were in these arms tonight

Your clothes are still scattered
All over our room
This old place still smells like
Your cheap perfume
Everything here reminds me of you
And there's nothing that I
Wouldn't do to be in your arms

And these were our words
They keep me strong
I'd hold you
I'd need you
I'd get down on my knees for you
And make everything alright
If you were in these arms
I'd love you
I'd please you
I'd tell you that I'd never leave you
And love you till the end of time
If you were in these arms tonight

- In These Arms (Bon Jovi)

Good night for my hockey teams

Edinburgh Capitals finally put their losing streak to an end with an impressive 3 - 1 home win against league leaders Coventry Blaze.

Chelmsford Chieftains continued to build on last weeks victory with a 3 - 4 away win against the Bracknell Bees. Nice to hear that the travelling fans are doing the GOALIE, SIEVE chant, well done folks!

Going stir crazy...

Poor old Sophie is going nuts in hospital now, she is SO bored and can't wait to get out of there. It seems her dedicated surgery team don't work weekends and so they have just been keeping her comfortable over the weekend ready for the team to return to work tomorrow. Hopefully they'll have the scan results straight away and can tell whether or not they need to operate on the blockage. Based on the pain that Sophie seems to be in I don't think things have improved much so suspect that an operation will be on the cards.

Poor old Toni went back home today in a bad mood as Nick ended up in hospital due to doing things that he knew he shouldn't. Was good to have her around to talk to this weekend but not so good seeing her go back in a mood. Sam loved having Aaron around and it made the hospital visits a little bit more pleasant as Sophie had extra company too.

More info.......

As time goes on the plot becomes clearer! Seems we are still waiting on the results of the scan. We have now been told that if the scan shows that Sophie still has a stone causing a blockage then they will do the operation to remove that straight away and then call her back to have her gall bladder removed in 6 weeks. This would seem to make much more sense as the pain is being caused by the blockage. Sophie doesn't seem to think that it is improving much so hopefully we'll get the scan results ASAP and then know what's happening for sure. There had been talk about Sophie going home on Monday although this is starting to look very unlikely given the amount of pain killers that she still requires.

Bought Sophie a laptop today so she can at least watch DVDs and keep herself mildly entertained as she has no TV or anything in her room at the hospital.

Toni and Aaron came to visit today and came to the hospital to meet Sam, Sophie and I. It was nice to have some extra company plus someone else to talk to about Sophie's current condition.

Sam cooked homemade burgers for us all which were delicious and then we all watched Tencious D's Pick Of Destiny.

The saga continues

Sophie had her scan today and we are waiting for the results of that. Seems like the current plan of action is to wait until Sophie's pain has gone and then she will be sent home. Six weeks after that she will be called back in to have her operations. Seems a bit weird to me but this is apparently normal procedure...........

Sophie update

Sophie has to have an MRI scan tomorrow and is then looking at possible having to have TWO operations, one to remove the stones and then another to remove her gall bladder. Needless to say she is getting a little worried about it all now.

Four months..........

Well the grains of sand fall relentlessly, I cannot stop or reverse time, and so the counter goes up.
We have just passed the four month mark since Sharon was taken from me.
I miss her so much.........................

It's gallstones!

Sophie has had her scan now and it has been confirmed that Sophie does have gallstones. She is now waiting for the surgeon to come and discuss what the next steps are.

Really missing Sharon's support and hugs

My oh my............
I am really missing having Sharon around for support and hugs. Lots of people have been giving support but its just not the same as if Sharon had been doing it.
She would tell me it would all be all right and I would have comfort and calm from that. She would give me one of her amazing hugs and everything would just melt away into insignificance.
I want and need her back.................

Update and anger!

Sophie was still on morphine for the pain and was due to have some more blood tests and scans. The blood tests showed different results today and the doctor is now aggressively pursuing the gallstones route (which has to be better than liver infection or hepatitis).
I took the afternoon off work to go and see her. She didn't have the scan done in the end as she was allowed to eat a sandwich which then meant that they couldn't do the scan. I was SO angry at another wasted day! Somehow I managed to keep calm as I really wanted to let rip. After that her board was update to "nil by mouth after midnight" so at least we know they'll be able to do the scan tomorrow.

Sophie in hospital

OMG, Sophie called herself an ambulance this afternoon as she was getting massive pains in her stomach and couldn't even stand up. She was taken straight to A&E and put on morphine for the pain. After some blood tests the doctor said that he was suspecting that it was probably a liver infection, maybe hepatitis as the blood tests had shown enzymes more akin to that than gallstones.

It was bad enough that Sophie was there without me having to go back to A&E at Broomfield hospital and relive the day Sharon was taken from me. It was all very emotional walking down the same corridors and past the relatives room.

Sophie not as well as first thought

Sophie went back to the doctor today and they have told her that she might have jaundice, gallstones or glandular fever and she was to go back on Friday for some blood tests. A slight change to dehydration but good that they have spotted something.

Dear God

Dear god,
Hope you got the letter,
And I pray you can make it better down here.
I don't mean a big reduction in the price of beer,
But all the people that you made in your image,
See them starving on their feet,
Cause they don't get enough to eat

From god,
I can't believe in you.

Dear god,
Sorry to disturb you,
But I feel that I should be heard loud and clear.
We all need a big reduction in amount of tears,
And all the people that you made in your image,
See them fighting in the street,
Cause they can't make opinions meet,
About god,
I can't believe in you.

Did you make disease, and the diamond blue?
Did you make mankind after we made you?
And the devil too!

Dear god,
Don't know if you noticed,
But your name is on a lot of quotes in this book.
Us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look,
And all the people that you made in your image,
Still believing that junk is true.
Well I know it ain't and so do you,
Dear god,
I can't believe in,
I don't believe in,

I wont believe in heaven and hell.
No saints, no sinners,
No devil as well.
No pearly gates, no thorny crown.
You're always letting us humans down.
The wars you bring, the babes you drown.
Those lost at sea and never found,
And its the same the whole world round.
The hurt I see helps to compound,
That the father, son and holy ghost,
Is just somebody's unholy hoax,
And if you're up there you'll perceive,
That my heart's here upon my sleeve.
If theres one thing I don't believe in...

It's you,
Dear god.

- Dear God (XTC)

Sophie not too bad

Sophie went to the doctor today to register and just to get herself checked out. She told them about what had happened yesterday and the nurse said that she was probably just dehydrated and that she should drink more fluids and come back tomorrow for another check.

Chieftains win and Sophie gets ill

Well that was an evening to remember for all the wrong reasons!
Sophie, Sam and I went to watch the Chelmsford Chieftains take on the Sheffield Scimitars.
Half way through the game Sophie started to get a little light headed and had pains in her stomach. As the game progressed she got worse and near the end was in the first aid room. An ambulance was called but fortunately she didn't have to go to Broomfield Hospital (that was one ghost that I was not ready to exorcise yet).
The verdict was that Sophie had some sort of gastric upset and we were sent home.

On the plus side the Chieftains won 6 - 4 and the GOALIE, SIEVE chant is taking off now.

Family reunited

Sophie moved in with Sam and I today so the gruesome threesome is now reunited once again! It only took Sam and Sophie about 10 minutes to start screaming and shouting at each other but luckily things calmed down really quickly. Sophie is full of good intentions and will be starting job hunting this week. It's going to be be weird getting used to having her back with us again but it is very nice that she is.

Tigertailz rocking out for Pepsi Tate

Went to see Tigertailz at the Astoria 2 doing their Pepsi Tate tribute tour.
Was really weird seeing the guys on stage but Pepsi not being there with them. Glen did an admirable job taking the bass role but there was definately something missing with Pepsi being absent (well at least physically).
Superb show, great to hear them again and it was amazing the none of the songs have dated at all.

Nice gloves!


Kim Hooker


Kim Hooker again


Kim Hooker and Glen


Glen


Jay Pepper gets a bit emotional after talking about Pepis


Kim Hooker and Suzy Chunk

Gorgeous

In this town where I'm from
There's not a lot of things going on
You've got to use a little imagination
To get along

So you go to a bar
And you talk to your friends
About girls and cars
And even though you're bored
They'll only go this far

You're so gorgeous, baby
You're so gorgeous, save me
You're so gorgeous, baby
Yes you are

You hear a song, you spin around
And you laugh as your feet hit the ground
You feel like a celebration
This time around

So you go to a bar
And you talk to your friends
About girls and cars
And even though you're bored
They'll only go this far

You're so gorgeous, baby
You're so gorgeous, save me
You're so gorgeous, baby
Yes you are

You're so gorgeous, baby
You're so gorgeous, save me
You're so gorgeous, baby
Yes you are

You need a lover, oh yes you do
You need a lover, nothing else is true
You need a lover, I need you
You need a lover
You'd make the dead dance too

You're so gorgeous, baby
You're so gorgeous, save me
You're so gorgeous, baby
Yes you are

You're so gorgeous, baby
You're so gorgeous, save me
You're so gorgeous, baby
Yes you are

I need you, you need me
I need you, yes it's true, it's true

You're so gorgeous, baby
You're so gorgeous, save me
You're so gorgeous, baby
Yes you are

- Gorgeous (Gene Loves Jezebel)

Anywhere

I remember it was long ago
But when I think of her I feel it grow
Something begs me to come home again
Something I can hardly stand

But I'm to defy, I have to ignore her cry
I don't know what to do, I'm missing you so bad

Waiting for tomorrow, for a little ray of light
Waiting for tomorrow just to see your smile again
Take away my sorrow from a blistered heart of mine
Where are you now if you are there anywhere

Please forgive me for how I decide
But before I can come with rapid strides
Don't expect you'll have to understand
Jakob needs my helping hand

First I have to go one out of two ways
Which both are wrong and I'm to go
So afraid, so ashamed
So deranged - but I know...

Waiting for tomorrow, for a little ray of light
Waiting for tomorrow just to see your smile again
Take away my sorrow from a blistered heart of mine
Where are you now if you are there anywhere

Waiting for tomorrow, for a little ray of light...
I can't wait for you - Are you there - anywhere

- Anywhere (Avantasia)