Some people need labels to try and fit in. Sometimes those labels can be used against us and then it becomes a problem! Transgender, transsexual, transvestite shortened to tranny? Water off of a ducks back to me but for some people it’s one step too far in a long hard struggle.
My profiles online used to day "I am trans, get over it". Now they say, "I am ME, get over it." I don't need a label for people to identify me. People misidentify me anyway. They often do. It doesn’t actually bother me! For me life is too short to get upset or make a big deal about being called “Sir” or mate unless there is a serious context that means it is unwarranted. I believe that 99.9% of the time this misidentification is not meant to be malicious. It’s not done to get a rise out of us although it often does!
Let’s be honest here, it is usually pretty easy to be able to identify the birth gender of a transgender person that is trying to identify as female. Female to male transgender folk seem to have a much easier job passing than male to female. On that basis it is hardly any wonder that misidentification happens so often. This is not me trying to be harsh, just pointing out that in my experience the number of male to female transgender people who can pass easily is quite small. I don’t fit into this small category. I am sure that unless I have taken a lot of time on my appearance that I don’t come across as female although I might display various female traits.
I guess I can understand why some people get so incensed by being wrongly identified. If you are undergoing transition and feel comfortable with who you are then it must be galling and come as a real shock to suddenly hit that wall where you are misidentified. The problem of course that more often than not misidentification comes following a quick glance with not even time to truly process the person in front for them properly. It’s all down to that brief snapshot, not understanding and then making the wrong comment. As I said, for me this isn’t a problem but it must be really hard for some people to deal with.
Personally I look forward to the day that there is no need to specify male/female. It's not because I don't identify as either, it's because they are irrelevant terms to me. They belong to an age that has long since passed. That said, I see why transsexuals seem to cling on to the gender binary because if it is taken away then their transition means nothing. So even after (and during) transition there is still a deep rooted problem for them, the need for a label to be identified rather than just accepted for who they are thus making them conform nicely to the gender binary system. This isn’t a criticism, it makes perfect sense to me that people think like that.
Additional labels come in so that people can deal with who they are. Even after transition some identify as a trans female (or male). I know a few females who have transitioned that don’t feel the need to drop the word trans in at all. They see themselves as female and rightly so but fair play to those that use the trans term if that makes things easier for them! I guess in that instance it does take them out of the gender binary.
When we choose to get involved with any form of change (call it transition if you will) or step outside of what would be seen as a standard behaviour then we are shifting paradigms on multiple levels.
we are moving our own paradigms on how we perceive ourselves and our gender. Whether that be standard gender binary acceptance and movement from one to the other or somewhere on the gender spectrum as part of gender fluidity this changes the paradigms that we have been taught, grown up with and have a deep rooted acceptance/reliance on. This by it’s very nature is going to be a challenge to us and how we react to the world. It can often leave us in a mental whirlwind as we try to get to grips with these changes.
we are challenging other peoples paradigms too. Most people only see gender binaries. That’s the way they have been brought up and that’s the way society, sadly, operates. It is a big ask for us to stamp across somebody else’s paradigm and expect them to understand what is happening. Sadly people tend to get confused and can’t cope with this sort of change. It is little wonder then that we sometimes get pissy because we get a reaction that we don’t like.
I’d like to think that we can take stock of things and put the world into perspective and be comfortable with who we are. We should also be comfortable with other people. Sadly the world doesn’t work like this for most of us.
I haven’t really encountered any sort of adversity since I came out as trans. This makes me very lucky. I have a loving wife who supports me unconditionally. My family are totally accepting. I am blessed with a wide circle of friends and have encountered no loss of friendships as a result of coming out, in fact my circle of friends has widened as a result. I also have a good, stable job. I guess it would be fair to say that I am on top of the world and very happy.
Sadly there are lots of trans people who are not that lucky. Unemployment, loss of friends, being shunned by family, depression are all things that people face. I can’t even begin to imagine how I would find transition while dealing with one, or all, of those things. It is quite a sobering thought to try and imagine what it must be like to encounter such adversity as well as dealing with being trans.
So, good people, kindly spare a thought when you are out and about and see someone you think might be trans. Don’t assume it’s OK to call them tranny. Try and think about who it is that you have in front of you and try and react appropriately. Just a second or two to process things might make the difference between treating someone with respect or really upsetting them and pushing them into a bad place.
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