How to win friends and influence people (not)

On Friday I got in touch with a friend who I saw had a gig coming up. I'd noticed from the band's Facebook page that they were minus a bass player so I causally asked if they were looking for one. When the response was positive I then asked to hear some of their stuff as I would be interested in trying out. I liked what I had heard and it looked like I was heading for a try out.

After a short while I was then told that I was too old and didn't really fit the image that the band was going for so rather than audition for a full time role I could come and learn the set and stand in for the one gig that was coming up. I was a little taken aback by this. After a little thought the idea had appeal especially as they were going to be supporting a well known act and I figured it would potentially be a good stage for me to be on to then be able to showcase my talent. I told my friend that I would have a play around with the songs and then get back to him. He said this was cool.

Fast forward to last night. I had thought long and hard about the role and had decided that I didn't want to be a stand in. If I am going to join a band then it will be on a full time basis rather than for a one off gig. So I caught my friend on Facebook to tell him the news. The response I got was, "It's no probs." So far so good. This was followed up with, "I don't really care."

So I then said, "Fair enough, just thought I'd be polite and let you know." I was astonished at the response, "Well don't bother next time."

Really? WTF? I said there was no need to be rude about it. I was then told, "Why be polite. It's obvious you don't like me so nothing need to be said."

Well that was a real shock. I don't dislike this guy at all. I consider him a friend. If I didn't like him then why the hell would I have even asked him about playing bass for his band in the first place? This had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me doing what was right for me. If he'd wanted a full time bass player I'd have been there like a shot. Sadly he didn't (or at least he didn't want me full time) so I decided to count myself out.

I have no idea why he suddenly turned on me like that. It was totally unwarranted and really shocked me. I guess I'll chalk this one up to the "how to win friends and influence people (not)" experience column.